Goodbye

Her smile she speaks
and says that kindness above all is what she must preach

I look in her eyes and see no deceit
a lover I find
but not of mine.

I think of her feats,
they are not much to me,
but still I think of her
and think –that I should continue on with her despite my leave.

I consider.
I think.
I could leave with her –a message or link, a memento or way, for maybe someday!

Someday… I wish, but then what’s this burden I feel?
I consider her smile, I consider her pain,
and how inconsiderate if I were to tell her,
that maybe someday…

Maybe someday… would I create this way?
But then I’ve given us both the worst,
that I could not come to truly leave.

I look at her smile,
I think of what she speaks.

Above all be kind.
Goodbye for now.

And there is no deceit.
Goodbye I’m sure.

My lover she speaks,
and though I wish to hear,
and though I wish to see,
and though I wish to help,
and see the cheers and cries of triumph and defeat…

Though I wish that maybe someday…
Today I say Goodbye,

Goodbye I hope
Goodbye I stand
Goodbye and wish, that perhaps we’ll cross again.

For Those Who Would Spread Love

I profess, in you I see much to love! But this is not enough, you’re fearfulness shakes me up inside. Where love is pure yours is amuck!

There’s something there that shouldn’t be. What is it? Huh, do tell me dear –in your speech, you profess to me:

–‘Love I see! Is the most important thing. And to spread this gift, the only thing.

I stand above these sharks, who would hurt and follow –and my heart is weak, from anything too shallow.’

But dear, what is love? For doesn’t nature show the cruelest touch? A mother bird pushes her darlings from the nest –and die they might, but so they must fly!

‘It’s interesting you should say! But still I see kindliness –and is this not what we should all aspire to? Polite and curt?

There’s nothing worse than a man who makes a huge fuss –over what? Nothing! And they speak bad words, backstab, and hurt.

Isn’t it better, if we lived without hurt?’

But did you not just –fuss over this man? And did you just not betray, your hate for his kind?

Where is your love for him? That I should ask –because it seems that your love, is not as far as I thought.

‘No, you have me wrong! I only mean to say –that this is a part. In person I’d never, say any of these words.’

Your actions betray your self-contained world! That you should speak these words to me –behind the backs of these sorts of men.

And even worse that in person, you’d never let them know of your honest thoughts.

‘But do you mean to say that I’m petty too? I can’t see how that could be true! I’ve done nothing wrong –I’ve only said words.’

But precisely this –you’ve never done good. You’ve never accepted fear –you run from it too quickly to see what it’s trying to say. And if you did, you’d act –and follow a different path of pain.

But instead you hide, in love’s warm domain –and in its name you excuse yourself, from doing anything great.

For Francis

Our perception as humans are incapable of grasping that which is our will to will.
—What we must do.
Therefore, humans must at once accept their not-knowing to truly overcome themselves and thus know by embodiment.

The warrior fights and does not get spared.
He willingly dies — if need be, and laughs all the way inside.

First a quote:

Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. -Mary Schmich

This is Self, and yet, not for me.

Any and all things I say are inherently partials.
The whole only comes about from your own grasping.

The most meaningful thing I can say is don’t think about it.
Instead, ask yourself — what would I dare NOT do?
The gestalt lies in the formation of two binaries, two opposites, a paradox being reconciled.
The gestalt in relation to the Truth of Self — that which is embodiment.
Thus the only conclusion — to arrive at, that Truth of Self is necessarily to reconcile all the paradoxes of your Self.

Only you know what that is — or rather, only you can know that which it is that you must do based on what that is.
And the mind will rebel, and the heart will rebel, and the soul with rebel, and there will be no understanding or peace in the moment — but then, when is there ever?
Only after. Only ever after. Or maybe never.

But that wasn’t important to begin with.

Hate

I stepped on a bus
and two 35 year-old boys shout
their words spewing hate
and causing innocent watchers to move away

I stepped in a room
and two 20 year-old girls half-sleep
their eyes signal concern
the filth on the wall and their tired lives proclaim

I stepped into some clothes
and two thoughts came —
that people are sad
depressingly so
yet in the squalor I learn
that holding hands and loving glances
only arises from two

School

I had the habit of waking up at three.
Sometimes the moon and stars would greet me, blue as can be.
Sometimes the sun and clouds would greet me, black as can be.

My lover never really knew.
She slept alone in California without a clue.
She always woke up normally at two.
She was always in bed by two.

We messaged each other every morning.
Just around seven of one.
Just her message: how are you?
Just my message: how are you?

I fell in love and felt a bruise.
I wanted to see her twinkling eyes.
I figured, she did too.

She flew all the way on a boat to California.
And when I saw her I fell in love a third time.
And when she saw me I felt she loved me too.
And when we saw each other it was like a finished race.

The crowd was cheering
the instruments playing
the wait was over
my dreams were here.

And then we stared at each other until one.
It was true, now what was there to do?
I was a virgin you see, love-making was not a thing.
She was a virgin I’m sure, that made it doubly worse.

I only wanted to see her and now I had.
What a wondrous time, for that I’m glad.
Goodbye my love.
Goodbye my lover.

I got on my plane and sailed back to California.

The Lonely Lion

Once upon a time, there was great big lion that all the animal kingdom feared. Anywhere he’d go, the animals would run away. Our lion didn’t know why though, he didn’t know he was so feared. All he wanted to do, was make his first friend.

He’d run around the safari, looking for friends, but everywhere he went no one would stay. Sometimes he’d sneak up real close to an animal and say, “HEELLLOO!” real loud so they could hear him. But it never worked out, and at the end of the day, they’d always run away.

One day, as he sat and rested, he saw a bird flying high above over him. Normally he’d tried to say hi, but it was so far away, he let it fly. He stood perfectly still and after a few moments, the bird flew closer to him. He still didn’t move but watched more intently now. Would this perhaps be his first fellow friend? And then, as if the gods had heard his question, the bird flew so close it landed on his nose! Can’t believing his luck, the lion jumped up and said hi! HI friend! First friend of mine! But as soon as he did, the bird screeched an awful screech and flew away quite quickly indeed.

The lion sat back down. It was getting late. Maybe he was meant to simply be alone. But no! He wasn’t done trying yet, he’d think of a plan! He knew just the one. He’d do just what he’d done, it’d almost worked perfectly. He’d stay perfectly still, no matter the cause. He simply wait and wait, no matter how long. If that’s what it took, to make a friend, in this safari land.

When he woke up, his tummy was grumbling. When was the last time, he’d gone out to eat? It didn’t matter, today was the day. He sat still and waited. Several hours passed, nothing happened. Our lion became frustrated, but he was patient.

The sun began setting, maybe it was time to retire. But then suddenly, he heard a roar from just past the spire. Over the hill, the sound of hooves and panting. And after a moment, he saw them, running in tandem. A zebra and a lion! But the zebra was much quicker than the other lion. And in short notice, the zebra got away and the other lion sat and caught her breath.

She was beautiful, he thought to himself. He’d never seen another lion before. And that roar he heard, was that hers? It was really quite scary; he was sorry he overheard. He had so many questions for the female lion, he wanted to roar and say hello! But he remembered his plan, stay patient, not bad.

A few hours passed and it was almost night. The female lion had taken a while to catch her breath, and this whole time this male lion was staring at her. He’d simply stared and stared, no words, no motion. So she figured it was time, for some feminine action.

She strolled up lazily to the man of no action. She circled him a few times, but still he didn’t move. She resolved then, to take it another step further. She got right up next to him, their noses almost touched. And just like that, she extended her tongue and licked him. Oh and how excited he was! A lick on the nose? Oh goody oh woah! But he was still unsure. Was he supposed to say hello? He opened his mouth slightly, he almost said it. But he was too afraid, to ruin this great moment.

The female lion spoke instead, she was quite confused and upset, “Hello? Are you there or am I here? Is this a joke or what’s gone broke?” He didn’t reply, he kept to his patience. After all, he’d received his first hello. But suddenly, the female lion walked away. She simply turned her tail and then ran to escape. Our lion tried calling out to her, “Wait!” But it was too late. She didn’t hear him, and she’d gone off and escaped.

How cruel was his fate, so close to his first mate! But now he knew, exactly what to do. He had the formula, the secret to it all. All he had to do was wait, wait just like he did today. But when they say hello, be immediate to respond hello. This was the secret, and he was quite pleased with himself. Tomorrow he’d surely, make his first friend.

But tomorrow came and past, no animal played in his show. He was still friendless, and now hungrier too. Tomorrow he would hunt, he was neglecting his food. But still a certain sadness, hung over him like gloom.

He woke up and began searching for his food. He walked around lazily and not in the mood. But then he spotted, out in the open. The very same zebra, the female lion had been hunting! Surely this was it, another route to friendship. If he could kill the zebra, then surely she’d be indebted. She would have to come by, and then he could say hi! That was all that was needed, to complete his plan by the night.

So resolved once again, he sneaked around the safari grass. He wanted to make sure, he’d catch this old ass. Then he began nearing, he was almost ready to pounce. But in that hair of a moment, he felt a paw tap him once.

He turned around, and as he did, the zebra noticed and ran away. He was furious, but saw none other than the female lion in his face. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?” Our lion pronounced. “Can’t you see I was busy? You silly loose louse!” But the female lion was not amused, and responded in kind, “Oh so now you can talk! You billy blind… blind…” The female lion had no proper comeback, and took a moment to recover from her mental wounds.

Our lion, recovering from the sudden event, realized he’d failed to capture the zebra. He was feeling overwhelmed, none of his plans were panning out. He would never have a friend because he couldn’t say hi. No matter what he did, it’d always be ruined. He sat down and began to cry, he tried and tried, but it was no use this time. He would be friendless, he was sure this time.

He looked at her briefly, but decided not to say anything. She wouldn’t understand, he was less than a man. He began walking away, he would return home and sleep. That was all he wanted now, weary and beat.

The female lion walked alongside him, a worry in her eyes. What was bothering him, was all she had in mind. “I didn’t mean the words I said!” The female lion said quite kind. “But really what’s the purpose, in not speaking what’s on your mind?”

Our lion turned to look at her, was she really still here? “I cannot say what I want because I lack the pride.” The zebra he needed, to say hi to her, flashed in his mind.

“Well that’s silly my dear, really I’ve forgiven you here,” she said. “I really just don’t understand, what’s hurting you near.” She was being so patient, maybe it was worth it to try. He decided to tell her, to recount all that he’d tried. He even told her about the little bird he scared. When he was done, he looked in her eyes. Would she believe him? It was quite hard to find. After all, he felt silly, having ignored her that night.

But what she said was unexpected, she did not tell him he failed. She only said, “Listen, there’s only two of us kind. There’s only two lions that roar, and that’s all in this world. You can’t go saying hi, to everyone else.”

Now our lion was confused, what did she mean? Could he really not be friends, with anyone else? What was wrong with saying hi? To everyone else. Wasn’t that what this world was about? To spread cheer and good kind? But then she responded, “with no one else my dear, they wouldn’t understand. We lions are lions, and lions we’ll stay. Everyone else, they’ll always run away.”

This was true he thought, but then why was she here? Why did she choose, to not run away? He began to understand. That night he had stared. The simple realization, that he wasn’t scared. That they were two lions, sharing this world, and what else mattered, since it was just them two. He blurted out, “but then you mean to say, that I could have said hey! That on that nightly day, I need not have wait.”

She nodded her head, “Yes my darling, isn’t that great? We lions are lions, we share this land as mates.”

But he wasn’t sure, he wanted friends of all shapes. What good was it, if he could only say hi to her? Why was it the case, that he was destined to one fate? He stared in her eyes, he looked for a sign. Was this his first friend? They’d walked quite a bit.

And as if hearing the call, our God gave a sign. And our lovely female lion, gave a great big ol’ lick to her kind. It was a pact, a sign of friendship indeed. And what could our lion do, but return what he had received? He licked the female lion, and that was that sirs. Maybe he could accept, a friendship such as theirs. The two lions walked in tandem to their home. A small homely pond. Maybe this was nature’s way of saying, all would be found.

Love

I found myself crying,
in an abandoned room.

But when I realized this,
I knew I wanted to stop.

Not because it was wrong to cry,
nor that I was embarrassed nor shy nor…

I knew this room was different from all the others I’d been to,
its walls were patterned in red and not the normal white.

But still I had this sense,
that honestly I’d been here too.

The smell of her fragrance,
is that you my June?

I stood up and examined my hands,
the blood was dripping much slower than her corpse.

Perhaps this room wasn’t abandoned,
But certainly, now it was.