The World

It was as if I typed enough things then I shall make them come true; the abstraction layer of life so as to give to others the requisite knowledge of abstraction! We think we understand abstractions, but can we really trace it to the root? And if we can’t trace it to the root, then what powerful tool are we using that we don’t understand that commands the magic behind the underlying reality?

Ah, but words! They give us such control over things, lead us to believe that we are mighty! For words! Words! Have given us certainty when in the beginning there was only uncertainty.

But what have we traded in exchange for words? I wonder it all the time… what have we lost because we have gained words? For it is a rule in nature that should one gain, one must lose, and should one lose, one must gain. There is always equivalence in some manner, but can we see the equivalence we have paid with words?

How much longing and wrestling away at demons have words brought to existence! And can man even understand anymore what is really there or what is just a mirage? But we have come closer and closer to achieving this dream state… where one day words will parallel reality: only, this reality will be completely virtual, but then, why should we care? The brain does not make a difference on the level of virtual versus non-virtual: what it sees is surely real: despite it happening across a computer screen.

And therein lies again the tradeoff… the mind makes no difference of the voice that sings across your laptop and the voice that sings in front of you. But then, should it make a difference? Or have we only confused ourselves more by beginning to believe that TV is reality…

Oh but what am I saying! TV? We live in the age of streaming! TV isn’t even a mirror of reality, personal taste is the reality… of selecting a variety of music, of “choosing” which of the curated articles you read, of musing of the crassness of movies all the same while watching them, which of course came from a recommendation…

All built upon words! Words! Abstraction, the beauty! But what have we given…

What does one make of stones?

Well? What does one make of them? Because at first one may look at a stone and think, well, tis’ just a stone, and surely because it is just a stone, that would leave it as such… a stone.

But then, another man or woman would pass by and say quite quickly, well, tis’ not just a stone! Is a weapon, look, and they would take the stone and feign an attack on the foolish man or woman who simply thought was just a stone.
And such an event of course would have a profound impact on a person, so much so that in the following days they would take to thinking tirelessly of this stone and of what it could be.

Perhaps a stone is a stone, but it also a weapon, and if also a weapon, then perhaps a toy! And this man or woman would then proceed to find the nearest child and engage in a game of catch with them, and given the rock was of the proper size, would end up having a jolly good time.

Amazed by the ingenuity of such a discovery, that a stone could be a stone, a weapon, and a toy, this man or woman would of course be compelled to go even further… perhaps a rock could also then be employed as a digging tool! And this same man or woman would of course take to using a larger sized rock to move the dirt upon the ground with relative success, enough again to be compelled into believing that this stone was now a stone, a weapon, and toy, and a shovel.
And the list would continue, each day a new discovery of the old… stone, weapon, toy, shovel, fire ring, jewelry, massage apparatus, weight, bowling ball, housing material, anchor, grinder, fake muscles, shade, and more… all from a stone?

And one day this man or woman would ask of his spouse or children, to please grab the nail clipper, for he or she desired to cut his or her nails, but of course nail clippers had not been invented yet, and no man or woman had a desire to cut their nails, and so the spouse and children would look around in bewilderment, unsure of what it was that the was that he or she desired…
And the first argument would erupt. For how could he or she have been wed to a spouse or have children so blind? So as to not see with clarity the nail clipper’s laying right there on the table… the stone.

And the spouse and children would sigh a sigh of relief. Of course, those were nail clippers… they certainly could be used to trim nails and though neither the spouse nor children did so, it was perfectly reasonable for someone to clip their nails, and so they would bring the stone… the nail clipper over.

And for the next few days everything was fine, and the family tolerated the man or woman’s use of nail clippers though they still saw the stone as a stone, but did not fuss when he or she asked for the nail clippers instead of the stone. That is, of course, until one day, this man or woman said to the family that he or she was going to kill themselves.

The family, shocked into terror, ran to this man or woman and held him or her dearly, so as to give reassurance, and of course ask for why he or she would ever want to do such a thing? And the man or woman would scratch his or her head, for how was it that he or she could have a family who is so naive as to believe that he or she was going to actually kill themselves? It was just an expression, for his or her nails were getting much too long and he or she desired to clip them again.

But this time the family would scratch their heads too, for what had come about this person, and what had led them to these sorts of… expressions? And upon further questioning the man or woman would explain his or her whole story, about the day he or she saw the stone and how another person came and used it as a weapon.

And how they began thinking of the stone, until, tired of thinking of the stone and began to think of life itself! And upon turning focus, it was like a grand discovery had been made, and he or she finally understood the foundation of life: for if the stone could be anything he or she wanted it to be, so it must follow that he or she could also be anything that he or she wanted to be.

Death was just a myth! For if I chose to be living, then I should be living. And if I chose to be dead, so I shall be dead. If I chose to be kind, so then I am kind. If I chose to be evil, so then I am evil. It matters not, so long as I have thought it!

The spouse and children scratched their heads once more, but owing to the certainty that he or she spoke to, they were inclined to believe him or her, and saw in this some sort of holy power. They too began to choose what was truthful to themselves and what was not (though they never bargained to test death, they still firmly believed that it was true that they could at once decide to be living or dead, and plus, who would ever choose death over living?), and it was in this fashion that man came to today.

The Day is Night

Then take your suicide! Do it else the light of the day and swarm of the angels should come down, and holy fire will sanctify your life with light!

But then, you do not dare I see, you dare not take the last remains of your cowardliness and complaining to the ends of its meaning: then it is clear to me that you lack conviction even in your own words!

You wriggle about and mock life for its unfailing nature and hardiness, all the while still clinging, still holding onto the glimmer of light that douses your dreams at night with illusions of reckoning!

But to which side do you hold to then? For it cannot be that life is hard yet also holds reckoning? Is it in your own mind again that you have separated what cannot be separated?

Then you see, it is your lot to uphold both, and in each take its due course while in wait for the next bout of the cycle. So cast aside your longing eyes! Because in the dark you’ll wish for sunlight, and in the sunlight wish for dark! But why not laugh when the sun is gone, and rejoice when the hour has come, and the night has faded and the day has faded, and all that’s left is what you’ve become.

Noble

If every kid grew up wanting to make the world a better place, the world would be a better place.

But what’s odd to me is that when I listen to these kids, I often hear that they do say this.

How strange that one would desire such a noble goal, but then fail to carry it out.

But then, if I listen closer, I find a clue as to why that is the case.

I hear them spill their desires, their goals and dreams of love and unity, helping the suffering, mending old souls… and always a caveat at the end, “I just have to figure out how.”

But let’s say this child, then ages and comes to grow, still holding this desire, ever-lasting in their soul… but as time goes on and work and marriage take their toll, well, it’s easy to see how this goal may fall just shy of being reached and purposeful.

But then as old-age starts to grow, a bitter resentment inside will grow… and these same kids who are now parents, have left their dreams of helping fall too cold…

And one day their child will share with them a pure desire, a big dream that one day the world will be better, and this parent will scold and shout and say, “You are foolish to think this, as I used to be the same way.”

And so it seems that we’ve reached today, where dreams of helping have fallen to the wayside… replaced with corporation, promotions, and wages, a big dollar sign to help calm our failing patience.

God help the family and the child, for each and all the same desire, but time and work has spoiled away… the help that each may have gave.

Start today! Though you do not know the path, start today! Though you do not know the way. Stumble and fall! Trip along the frozen grass, but let not your focus slip away.

For we each have but one chance to live as we may, and perhaps we’ve all forgotten that once we all had noble desires.

The World

Oh but how hollow I have seen myself
And the mirror deceives as it gleams my reflections off the walls

But it is only me.
It is only me.

Darling, what that I have past the time where I had once loved.
And in this I have landed somewhere far away
Far far into the beyonds of plains that your minds-eye could never go beyond.

I have seen it!
I have captured it…

But where do you sleep now?
Is it not in the same way as you have before?
But then why do I struggle?
Why do I pine for something that does not exist?

My dear, my dear,

But you see that I am who I have always been!
That much I have seen, that much I must see.
For I am the madman that stalks,
and never leaves

Mother’s Bones

For two or four nights I walked alone
And in my walking I carried my mother’s bones.
She had passed away centuries ago,
But in our day and age
These were some lovely bones

I walked across mountains
But never seas
I trampled over vegetation
But never good mead

And where there was good rest, I asked for it
And the people they always, complimented my good bones.

Yes! I proclaimed, these were the finest bones a man has ever seen
Porcelain in quality, just a lovely sight for
Me.

But two nights past and I felt that I had come a long way
I dropped my mother’s bones and left for some other day.

When to make decisions

A note to self:

Think! What will the future me see about this that I do not see now?

That I want to act upon what things?
Minimizing regret, what I should do, ought to do –but there’s what’s hidden, what I will to do.
But is my will stubborn? And was this stubbornness knocked out of my two feet into humility? And was my stubbornness that bore me to the other side?
But then why do I fight?
Because man is becoming in all fighting.
But I do not fight for myself.
I fight for the goal.
The cause.
And that I should fight for it in all things I do or say –my striving.

That I should want humanity to look upon this decision one day and understand. That this is what must be done to arrive at anything.
That this process exactly, in vain, in spirit, in love, in hate, in dread, in fear! The worst bouts of fear! Be exactly what is willed and said.
That in essence, I cannot prepare for the decision I wish to make now, and that I can only have the ability to make the decision when I see my Dad, and within that time frame. Indeed that that is what can inform my decision, and that anything I make as a decision before that decision point is a weakness in my heart, and an unwillingness to compromise myself.
I must see the situation –then decide.

But the human would seek to erase what bothers him so quickly, to make it so that a decision is so arbitrarily made.
Is that what would compel all people nowadays? The illusion of decision, that is what I see, that people don’t see that all things are necessarily only within moment. But then we’re tricked by asynchrony. It would have us believe that things are happening as we are not there, and that we also by reflex are always capable and have the option of referencing “there.” There is no there, only here. And that a persistent data store would confuse you with a permanence that’s not there.

That’s not existent –you exist as you act, but are your actions really optionless? There is only so many options, but those options you must decide for yourself.
Based on this moment, this without any reference from the past: must I decide.