If it wasn’t apparent before, I hope it is now… I take a lot of notes in my spare time. Although I very seldom check them again. It’s as if the act of writing it down was enough for me to believe that I had remembered it and that information wouldn’t be lost.
Here are some notes I took in 2012 (Junior year of high school).
The group paid $1 had no outside justification, so they turned inward. They altered their beliefs to salve their cerebral sunburn. This is why volunteering feels good and unpaid interns work so hard. Without an obvious outside reward you create an internal one.
That’s the cycle of cognitive dissonance, a painful confusion about who you are gets resolved by seeing the world in a more satisfying way. As Festinger said, you make “your view of the world fit with how you feel or what you’ve done.” When you feel anxiety over your actions, you will seek to lower the anxiety by creating a fantasy world in which your anxiety can’t exist, and then you come to believe the fantasy is reality just as Benjamin Franklin’s rival did. [See Ben Franklin effect] He couldn’t possibly have lent a rare book to a guy he didn’t like, so he must actually like him. Problem solved
And yet again, I am surprised that I even typed this. But I guess that’s just who I am. OH WELL.
Did you catch that? Cognitive dissonance. BAM.
Apparently I got a head start and started thinking about marriage during 1st/2nd year of college.
Nov 22, 2014 4:16pm
Context: While reading I thought of something and I want to remember it. I was reading 7 principle of Making Marriage Work and it got to a list of common “dreams” (aspirations)
Exploring an old part of myself I have lost
^ Is this important?
I might have missed the point of reading a marriage book though since the author included the list so people could understand the spouses dreams… not their own.
Regardless, here’s the list:
From 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work (pg 218)
Context: List of common “deep” dreams
1. A sense of freedom
2. The experience of peace
3. Unity with nature
4. Exploring who I am
6. A spiritual journey
9. Unity with my past
11. Knowing my family
12. Becoming all I can be
13. Having a sense of power
14. Dealing with growing older
15. Exploring a creative side of myself
16. Becoming more powerful
17. Getting over past hurts
18. Becoming more competent
19. Asking God for forgiveness
20. Exploring an old part of myself I have lost
21. Getting over a personal hang-up
22. Having a sense of order
23. Being able to be productive
24. A place and a time to just “be”
25. Being able to truly relax
26. Reflecting on my life
27. Getting my priorities in order
28. Finishing something important
29. Exploring the physical side of myself
30. Being able to compete and win
34. Building something important
35. Ending a chapter of my life -saying goodbye to something
John M. Gottman, Nan Silver
Numero 20 resonated with three years ago me. It still resonates with me now, only this is three years later me exploring the old 3 years ago me. I wonder what the 3 years ago me felt like he lost and wanted to explore. Did that make sense?
A quote after my first year of college during summer, wrote in reflection of existential angst (2014).
“Life’s meant to get you, to fuck you, to beat you when you’re playing dead. It knows you’re not dead, continues beating, until you resign to actually trying again. Then down you go, faking dead as never before. And sometimes it works.”
But my own writing took a turn that I didn’t expect.
“Everyone forgets you, you forget yourself, the world wins, you win, everyone wins, you outsmarted the system. But you feel lonely. It get’s to be more difficult playing dead than being alive and fighting. Plus, everyone else around you playing dead are beginning to stink… wait. Anywho, when you get tired down there, get back up, and when you get back up, wipe that shit off your back. Like literally, no one wants to walk around with shit on their back. And if that’s too much effort for you, just remember what your parents told you. Better yet, remember what I told you. To remember what your parents told you.”
More quotes incoming…